23 November 2009

Should I stay or should I go?

The story of one of Guatemala city's poorest and most violent slums, La Limonada, breaks my heart. It makes me want to go, to help, to serve, to love. It makes me question the very comfortable life I live here. Yeah, I have room inspections before sunrise and rigorous classes. But sunrise in La Limonada reveals the last night's bullet holes and bloodshed.

And the training I could receive at TWENTYFOURSEVEN would be great. Discipleship, evangelism, Bible classes, and a great physical training program. All things I'll need for the Air Force and for life.

I want to be where God wants me to be. I'm not interested in pros and cons lists - as my mentor told me yesterday, if you make a pros and cons list, you should go with the cons. Consider Moses, Jeremiah, Noah, even Jesus. They went with the cons.

I do not want 'success'. My goals are not safety and money and a nice house. God called Jeremiah successful, yet the people of Israel didn't believe his prophecies. In fact, they shunned him. But Jeremiah did want God wanted him to do.

For thirty years, Jesus "grew in wisdom and stature, and favor with God and men" (Luke 2:52). Moses spent his life herding sheep before he led the Israelites out of Egypt. Noah was 600 years old when the flood came. The men God chooses do not jump into ministry. They prepare, they grow, they wait. Then God calls.

I know that God called me here to USAFA. My mentor reminded me last night that we stay where we are until God tells us differently. I haven't heard anything differently - yet. But is that because I'm not listening or because He's not telling me to go?

In that light, I'll be praying about what God wants me to do here - and not focus so much on what He has for me in the future. I am here now. This is where I will live, until He tells me otherwise.

As Martin Luther said, "There are only two days on my calendar: this day and that day." Those other days are of little concern, for the One who shaped me has planned them out.

And now I will wait for His plan to unfold.


  1. Nathan,
    You are wrestling with the right questions, and looking for success in the right areas. Keep up the good fight. I think God wants us to continue wrestling, living your faith is a beautiful thing, but it is definitely not easy.